time marches on

In the past three-and-a-half months, I’ve had so many back and forth conversations in my head about this blog. So much has happened, I’m in a bit of a tailspin. Obviously, the blog hit pause while… well… while life happened.

The end of grad school classes meant an extremely busy July for me, but all ended well and I found my schedule free once again.  I didn’t jump back into sewing right away, though I did get through a couple of small projects.  Mostly zipper pouches, charity blocks, and a couple of swap items for my guild.  Oh yeah, and I turned 40...LOL.  We had a big party at a local park and a ton of my friends were there.  Hot dogs, chips and cupcakes all around with a good time had by all.  Most people talk of big getaways and such for their landmark birthdays, but I wanted to be surrounded by my friends.  I never dreaded 40 - I’m happy to make it this far! - and I wanted to celebrate it with everyone I knew.


The month of August saw me temporarily play the part of single mom while hubby helped a dear friend during a 100-mile bike race in Leadville.  Good times and good timing, actually, as I was able to get in some much needed quality time with my boys.  My oldest started a full-fledged middle school program (remember, we homeschool with hubby at home), so I got to start him off on his first three weeks while Matt was away.   As soon as he got back, we celebrated the last family birthday of the year, as my youngest turned eight.

Then it happened.

In the early hours of September 7th, I got the call no one wants.  My mom’s voice was frantic as she told me something was wrong with my dad.  An hour later, she, my sister and I sat in the ED digesting those infamous words, “there was nothing more we could do.”  My daddy was gone. 

A heart attack hit while he was sleeping.  No signs, no symptoms, no complaints.  No goodbyes.

My sister, me, Dad, and my oldest celebrating Dad's birthday last June

The last few weeks have been weird.  Sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes just normal - like he is still around.  I’ve both praised and screamed at God...tearfully thanking him for a wonderful, loving, active father and then turning around and shouting in anger at Him taking away my boys' grandpa.  But it’s ok…God is big enough to handle all that.  We’ve worked through it and, if anything I have more faith now than ever.

To say the least, priorities have shifted and there’s been an immense amount of introspection.  Quite normal, I’m sure, given the acuteness of the loss.  I’m still sewing occasionally, but I’ve found more comfort in knitting.  Something I can do all snuggled up on the couch with my family or while watching TV.  Something portable to fill my idle hands when my nerves get bad and my heart sinks (as it still sometimes does). 

PJs, knitting, and Big Bang Theory on TV - my kind of therapy.  :)

I know I still owe y’all the Tangled Webs pattern...but I’ve lost my notes.  It’s coming, just a bit delayed as I have to re-do my measurements.  I also have several projects to share, including a new class I’ll be teaching at The Little General in January.   And I want to post pictures of the projects I’ve done since the summer.  So much to tell you.

But right now, I’m going to live life. 

My boys are still in fall baseball and their games are top priority for me.  Both have voiced that one of the things they will miss most about Grandpa is how he always came to their games.  He adored them and I’ll be standing in his place now.  Tanner is still struggling with his school workload.  He needs me...and it feels good to be able to help.  My mom has mentioned a Grand Canyon trip with the boys next spring.  She and Dad wanted to take them this past summer, but we couldn’t work it out.  To say the least, I’ll be doing all I can to make that trip happen.

Other than that, I’ll still be sewing - and knitting - and I’ll still check in occasionally.  I really do miss my online buddies.  I even bought a ticket to Sew South, which I’m looking forward to.  So nice to meet people in person.

In the meantime, my friends, love your families with all your heart and -  if needed, and as far as it is up to you - make amends where necessary.  You’ll not regret it.  The peace of knowing that goodbyes weren’t really needed is priceless.



  1. I'm so sorry for your families' loss. I loss my Dad suddenly, too, but he was much older, 90.

  2. I'm so sorry for the loss of your Dad. May you continue to feel God's loving hands comfort you and your family. I lost my mom four years ago and my sister three years ago and I too have learned not to put things off, especially where family is concerned.

  3. I am so sorry for your loss. Those ups and downs have been a new normal for me since I lost my MIL in February. My heart has not been in quilting, I have forced myself to complete obligations, but have no desire to start much. I know this is one of the many seasons of life. And I hope the Holy Spirit continues to bless you and your family as you heal. Time does help.

  4. Angie-So sorry to hear of your loss. I've thought of you over the past few quiet months. Glad that you are able to enjoy your boys now more than ever. Whatever you make of this blog, I loved having met you and am glad to hear you "check in" whenever you can. Draw strength from your boys - they need you so much! Sending you hugs. AM

  5. Great post. It accurately represents your resilience and faith. I hope the good days outweigh the bad ones eventually!

  6. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you are gathering your loved ones near and if you don't check in that often, know that we will be here anyway. Live your life and love it.

  7. Oh Angie, I am so sorry to hear about your Dad's passing. It is never easy, no matter when it happens. I lost my own Mom when I was in my 20's. And my mother in law passed this past April. Although she was 91, we all still miss her so much. She was the foundation of the family. I pray that you will find peace and comfort in your faith. God does know our days, and we are blessed to have had these loved ones as long as we did.

  8. I'm really sorry for you. A most heartfelt post.

  9. I acutely feel your loss as I lost my beloved August 2. Like your dad, there were no signs of illness or pain, he just simply passed away in his sleep. I think about him every day and greatly miss him but life continues and I'm happy to have my blogger family. Blessings.

  10. Angie I continue to keep you and your family in my prayers. Remember quilting is always there when you need it.

  11. It is never easy to lose someone that you care about so much. My deepest sympathies. Take all the time you need to deal with it and find your new normal.

  12. I am so very sorry for your loss. Your dad sounded like an amazing man and I could feel the depth of your love for him throughout your post. Please accept my most heartfelt prayers and know that you and your family are being thought of.

  13. my heartfelt sympathy for you and your family. may your memories of your father bring you joy in all the years of your life.

  14. So sorry to hear your sad news, Angie. While a new normal for your family will be found, I pray that you can find joy in the small things as you adjust. Sending you a hug and caring thoughts...

  15. It's good to "see" you on your blog again! You've been missed!

  16. I am so sorry for your loss,My Daddy passed in 1977, and I still miss him today. He was a great dad, and I was a daddys girl. It leaves a big hole in you heart. It feels like someone reached in and pulled out my sole. and it still hurts, I guess it will always be there. But you will know he is still with you when some times you will smell his after save, or feel a warm feeling around you.So just know he is still there watching over you. Gerry guyie@midmaine.com